80s Music, Toys and Creeps.

Every now and then youtube takes me to the black hole of 80s music videos. Most of the time I'm too busy to watch - it's really just background noise that makes me nostalgic for summers spent with my Nana by the pool. (Yes, there was a time when I actually enjoyed the sun, tanning and mother-flippin' Polly Pocket)

My Polly Pocket Game was TIIIIIIIGHT in the 80s. The only thing I had better game in: 

No lie.

I loved that shit & my Nana still has it all vacuum-sealed in her basement in case I have kids. Oi.

 The reality of the situation is; I'm eventually going to have enough room in my home and all this gloriousness is going on display.

ANYWAY - this evening, while working, this video caught my eye. I'm sure I saw this as a child. I'm also pretty sure this video psychologically traumatized me both as a child and today as a designer & feminist. Honestly, you just kind of have to laugh about it. (One of those laughs you give when you're unsure if you should actually be laughing will be perfect)

THINGS WRONG WITH THIS VIDEO

1. CREEPY DOLL

2. Insinuated masturbation out of boredom. If you're bored, YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.

3. Weirdo girl lurking, waiting on your every move.

4. The boots. Nuff said.

5. How fucked up is your budget that you have enough money to pay the orgy people (yes, there are orgy people) BUT not enough money to have, oh, I don't know, ACTUAL STREETS. Who thought it was a good idea to lay down all those garbage bags? Did you think people wouldn't notice? Is this some sort of artsy commentary? I don't get it. Actually, never mind - the WHOLE video is like this. 

6. Creepy rich dude in a car. God, I hope this doesn't get rapey. 

7. Yep. Here comes the rape. Being led away from a party to a dark and lonely alley. YIPEE! Geeze, is this really what you think women fantasize about?

8. She somehow walks into some sort of weird ballet/mask/tin foil orgy à la "Eyes Wide Shut" with our favourite potential rapist presiding over the whole thing.

9. Stuff of NIGHTMARES. WHAT IS THAT ON YOUR FACE, SIR?

10. Weird hand hallway that rips off your clothes & pulls your hair. Hmmm, I wonder what's about to happen...

11. Well, would you look at that. Some good ol' rape.

12. With some weird art students watching

13. ...and the doll saw the whole thing. Along with some creepy metaphors about fantasy, sexuality and abuse. Not cool beans Laura Branigan. You fucked up my night.

In Conclusion; WTF 1980s... W.T.F.